Ok, so...

I say potato, You say potato.

2005-09-13T22:48:00.000-07:00

I dont care what a manwhore is technically called. A whore is still a whore, josh.

The week was going very well until i started feeling really sick, and now that i say that i realize how sad that is, cuz its only tuesday. something was bothering me this morning and i was having some kind of an allergic reaction to rachel's coat. you know how you get that horrible i-need-to-sneeze-but-its-not-coming-out feeling? well i had that and it lasted for an hour and a half, it was torture, and my face was contorted in that ugly sneeze face most of the time. When the sneeze finally did come, it wasnt the hallelujah sneeze that i had expected and hoped for. It was lame. lame like a stallion.

The announcements were fun, Rachel and i are excited about that. Stay classy Smoky Hill!

School's alright, its a good distraction, but its not as great as i had hoped it would be. I feel detached a lot of the time. I'm not working as hard as i could or should be, and that realization just makes me sink even deeper to where i care even less. It needs to end.

I cried again today, why? you may ask, i dont have a good answer to that one. No good reason, the usual. This is why i stopped updating as often, i dont like being a downer. Doodie.

I need to spend more time with my friends, which is why i'm looking forward to homecoming so much. My most favorite people looking most mightily nice, having a really good time.

I havent been very inspired in my art, i hope that changes with my next piece. i havent finisehd anything since the last piece i posted up here. That was over a month ago. I used to crank out the pieces one right after the other, right now, i've come to a standstill in my art and so many other things.

and all that was just a mess of what i'm feeling right now.

bring on the bling!

I believe

2005-08-27T18:13:00.000-07:00

...friends are the greatest assets
...in God
...life is a song, God's love is the music
...my ipod makes me a better person
...Chipotle should never be eaten with pinto beans
...Clinton was the greatest president
...Anastasia survived & died years later of natural causes
...coffee & soda should not be consumed
...Taiwan is a part of China and will remain so
...Emily Dickinson was crazy
...Henry Clay would have made a great president
...the Backstreet Boys are the greatest band of all time
...the Blue Ranger was better than the White Ranger
...& Yellow > Pink
...Pocahontas was half white
...in singing out loud, when and where i feel like it
...I am in love and was loved in return and will be again
...true love only comes around once
...all those that can adopt, should
...Rasputin was a horrible horrible man
...George W. Bush is a horrible president and if he cared at all for the well-being of his fellow citizens, would resign
...Scarlett O'Hara is the greatest heroine
...Rhett Butler really did love her
...Michelangelo was the greatest Ninja Turtle
...Marijuana and other drugs are a waste of time and pointless
...pills shouldnt be taken for the slightest of problems, you can walk it off
...in the power of love
...laughing is the greatest medicine
...Thomas Jefferson & Alexander Hamilton should have been best friends
...Harry Potter will defeat Voldemort and Dumbledore will return
...i am an artist
...Walt Whitman was a horny whack job of a poet
...but Walt Disney, a great storyteller
...Hilary Clinton should run for president
..."regrets" are foolish and it's still too early to say
...hope is the first and most crucial step to success
...the OC awakens the soul
...1 Corinthians 13
...in myself

you?

here's what Matt had to say http://mcline999.f2o.org/

Alfred, Zorgon & Splinter

2005-08-20T15:00:00.000-07:00

I am going to join their ranks.

I am so totally ready for this Mentor business. The "retreat" we had today had some really great impacts on me, i'm glad.

I'll admit that at first i was skeptical about the Healing Circle, i was trying really hard not to laugh, and there were times where i was definitely picking up certain people's b.o., but then, there were times when i just felt like breaking out into tears.

Let me try to explain what the Healing Circle is. So, you have a group of people and they're split evenly. Half the group sits down (in chairs) in a small circle, holding hands, eyes closed, the other half stands around the sitters, and all at once the people on the outside bend down to whisper in the other person's ear. What they whisper is totally up to them, its supposed to be something that they personally wish they could hear, those in the middle dont respond and just listen as everyone takes their turn. and once the rotation was completed, roles were switched.

As i sat there with my eyes closed, i could make out the whispers of some of my closest friends, and there were others that kept me guessing. Sitting in silence was hard, i felt like crying and reaching out to the person in my ear, telling them what they had just passed on to me, and giving them a big hug. It really hit home and it amazed me how so many of us wish to hear the same words of encouragement and love. When it came time for those on the inside to move outside, i was got really frightened. I didnt want to let myself get vulnerable all over again. I've been really good these past few days, and i was proud of myself, but i knew that the Healing Circle wouldnt do its magic if i wasnt honest about what i really wanted to hear. So i mustered up the courage, and everytime i got to someone new, i would bend down really close to their ear and let it out. For some people, i said, "dont worry, it'll stop hurting soon," with alicia i said, "i missed you and i'm sorry" knowing that it was something i needed to hear, something i needed to tell alicia, and something i knew she wanted to hear.

"I love you." I said that many times, and as i whispered that to rabah, triveni, and jessica, i knew that they knew it was me. my whisper, how close i got to them, and what i had to say to them, and what i wished i could still hear, gave me away. dood, the Healing Circle rocks. It was the most real moment of the entire 5 hours, and the whole thing only lasted about 7 minutes.

Afterwards, when those on the inside opened their eyes and the rotation was over, with one glance at them, i knew that rabah and triveni knew exactly what i meant. Triveni hugged me and told me she loved me, "i know i'm not the one you want to hear it from," she said. that's not entirely true, it meant a lot to me, and i came very close to crying. Then, Jessica, who i missed much more than i believed, hugged me, told me how much she missed me, told me it was all gonna be alright, said she was sorry and said, "i love you." She said everything that i wanted to hear, everything that i whispered to other people, and everything i'm still hoping to hear. I cried like a baby, yes. But i felt better nonetheless.

Jessica, i love you. I'm glad you're back.

Another song

2005-08-16T21:34:00.000-07:00

I'll Never Break Your Heart, Backstreet Boys

liars, they say they wont, they promise they wont, but they will.

I love service, i love honor, and i love America

2005-08-16T20:43:00.000-07:00

oh man, i cant believe i said that, anandi always reminds me, good girl that anandi is. it seems like so long ago.

well, today was a good day. like most, it was sad and a bit detached, but relative to my more recent days, this one was a good one. Kaila and i went to Chipotle for lunch and spent a good two hours talking there, followed by some music and time just sitting/lying on my bed for more talking. We see eye to eye on so many things and i feel that she, more than anyone else, can really relate to what i'm going through right now. We've both got it bad.

Half Life by Duncan Sheik, listen to it. (my ipod's on shuffle as i write this)

then came the NHS officer's meeting, that was so much more fun than i could have expected. i love it when people can bounce and build ideas back and forth, we're a good team, i'm really excited about NHS this year, i think we'll be able to accomplish more than previous groups.

On Love, In Sadness - Jason Mraz

school's creeping up, i'm not so sure what to think or expect. i'll just be going through the motions. when i look back to how i viewed school last summer, i just thought of it as "school", plain and simple, i was gonna go to school, do my clubs, have my fun, but so many unexpected things happened, and they were wonderful. I made so many new friends, my own style developed in my art, and i felt things i never imagined i would feel or feel this deeply. so now, after all that, and after all this, i dont know what to think.

I Want You Back, Backstreet Boys, good song.

One thing i'm very excited for is the audience i'll soon be having for all my singing. I miss the "oh yang"s, "please stop"s. we should all sing more, i would talk in melodies if i didnt know that everyone would stop talking to me.

I Hope You Die, Bloodhound Gang.

I was really upset for the first time, in a long time. I said things i didnt mean to say, i hate saying dirty things and being a pottymouth, it is entirely not like me. I feel like i'm betraying myself. it's not good.

Tell Him, Celine Dion & Barbra Streisand

I'm gonna take everything one day at a time, bearing in mind the general destination. i dont want it to just be a blur, i will appreciate each moment and get passed each obstacle. that means i'll deal with my feelings each day, recognizing that they're there, not ignoring them.

Why Worry, All-American Rejects

that is the song rachel and i sing whenever we're worried about a test or anything, though the lyrics are really talking about being lost without the girlfriend, it is fun to sing, and the title applies, if only mildly. I really do miss all the class-time singing.

Only Time, Enya

I havent heard this song in such a long time. I used to listen to it all the time, i loved it. I think i finally understand what it's talking about now. "who knows? only time." i wish time would come out with it already. Patience is not something i was given. I blame my mother.

Through With You, Maroon 5.

I am a geek

2005-08-12T21:39:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I'm sure none of you are sinking your fingernails into your faces from shock, because, yes its common knowledge, but I had to say it. So, I am a geek, and I love it.

I want school to start. I need it to. The sooner school starts, the sooner it'll be over with. I'm really excited about it all, I'll be able to keep my mind off things.

So, check in was good, Rachel and I were gracing everyone at the front of the line with our singing, and it was good to see most people again. I didn't get to see some people that I really wanted to see. The whole schedule deal wasn't the usual fiasco that it is, there were some glitches, but all were remedied. My schedule is a mix of some hardbutt classes and some easy laid back ones, but squeeze all 11 classes (actual ones not included CAS or PE) and I've got myself a crazy challenge.

Red
1-IB Mentors & Gov, Mr. C
2-French 5, Vockrodt
3- Enviro, Sengsavath
4-Art History, Brown

5- French 6 (sometime in the morning)

Green
1-World, Wilcox
2-Calc 3, Nappier
3-Art, D'Amico
4-English, Ady (yay!!!)

TOK Monday Night, Holguin

I wasnt feeling so good today, so i went to my front yard and just sprawled myself on the grass, listening to music, letting the sun catch my hair and face, the air smelled really nice and sweet. I was at peace.

That's it for now.

Things happen for a reason

2005-08-11T07:09:00.000-07:00

That, is something i've heard many a times, and i'm beginning to agree with it now. With everyone i've talked to i've pretty much been hearing that same phrase. Things happen for a reason and i've gotta learn to deal with that.

it's hard. i dont like being or feeling this way. I'm usually the one making things happen, i usually take charge and get things my way, but now, its as if i've been given this huge letdown, and there is nothing in my power to change it. i feel helpless, which stinks. my feelings grow stronger and stronger, making the pain greater and greater. I absolutely despise mornings now. nights arent too bad, usually my brain and body are so exhausted that i just fall asleep right away. but in the mornings, i wake up early, not wanting to or meaning to, and its then that i feel alone and pathetic. everyone is sleeping and i'm my gross morning unshowered self being sad, with surprise weeping attacks that come uninvited. it's not getting any easier, everyone promised it would. i feel exactly as i did before, i miss him. and here i am being all stupid again, i hate feeling sorry for myself, this isnt me speaking. Why do i go on like this?

I've got to think that all things happen for a reason. this happened because we just werent meant for each other, or time apart will do us good with the possibility of reconciliation. either way, its a win-win, i guess... the former is much harder to deal with, and i'm really hoping for the latter.

A friend of mine at camp wrote me a note telling me this, "..Sometimes, in order to give us "better", He must take the "good". In order to give us the "best", we must surrender "better". Have faith and take hope to new heights..." and another wise soul told me this, "...always remember that circumstances happen for a reason, but be comforted + joyful in the fact that God always wants to give you the BEST in His timing... so don't despair because it'll be worth the wait." They've got a point.

Rachel, Yuriy, and Joe have the great power of making me feel better everytime i talk to them or see them. Not that i dont get comfort from other friends, but i think that with these 3, i feel like they have a better understanding of where it is that i'm coming from. so, for that, i am extremely grateful. Joe made a good point yesterday, my personality has definitely had better days. I am that girl that chats away and speaks to strangers, argues for the fun of arguing, paints to her heart's content, spontaneously sings to whatever tune is playing in her head, grins from being mischievious, laughs at the slightest of things, tells tall tales seeing how far she can take them, dances horribly but loves it nonetheless, walks briskly wherever she goes, snorts and breaks out giggling when others dont dare to (katelin in tok, and at camp too, i'll tell you the story sometime), shrieks from any bit of excitement, blushes from little embarassements, and smiles that big bold smile.

Man, do i miss the good ol' me, but i think that she's coming back with a one way ticket, cuz she's staying for good.

I'm cute

2005-08-05T17:33:00.000-07:00

aren't I?

Today, i looked at myself in the mirror and i liked what i saw. i went through my closet and drawers (the wooden kind, not my dra'ars) and i sorted through all my clothes, threw things out, and found some intereting things i forgot i owned. It was fun, i played dress up. So today involved a lot of alone time slipping in and out of outfits and staring at myself in the mirror. with two swift movements i randomly put my hair up in two little buns. I'm gonna be putting my hair up like that more often, i dont look my age, and i love it.

(It's crazy, i cannot escape from the Backstreet Boys, if i'm not listening to them on purpose, i'm listening to them without meaning to, i think my ipod understands how much i love them and keeps playing them on shuffle.)

rachel's right, i am too pretty to be crying. I'm feeling better, i'm never gonna shed this deep feeling i have, this feeling that's causing me my sadness, but i think i will be able to live with it.

I'll be gone for a few days. I'll miss everyone, i dont want to go, but i need to. I want to breathe fresh air, go canoeing, splash around, walk with the wind, and whisper what's been on my mind to God.

Mom knows best

2005-08-04T21:13:00.000-07:00

I just finished talking to my mom. I was crying in my room, and felt like i needed my mom now, more than ever. Unlike in the past, this wasnt about a boo-boo or a nightmare, yes i was hurt and scared, but this was about something new, this time it was about heartbreak. So, i ran down the stairs told her how much it hurt and she began comforting me like only she can.

i realize now that i dont give my mom enough credit. i didnt think she understood what i was going through. she was originally against it all, i'm not ready, it wont last, it'll distract you from schoolwork, all these were her reasons for being against it in the past. but over time she came around, she had seen how happy i was, and granted me my own better judgment.

Now, although i'm still sad, and i dont doubt that i'll be crying many more tears, i feel like progress has been made. My mom reminded me of how ambitious i've always been. For so long i've wanted to go to a great college, go to law school, become a news anchor, befriend a president, and be appointed Supreme Court Justice. all of this, as well as getting married and having kids have been part of plans and dreams that i've had for years, before I ever knew Wes existed, and he doesnt fit in with these plans. Without meaning to, something beautiful and unexpected happened; wes and me. but it wasnt a long term deal, there would have been no room or future for him in my plans. I have to get myself to believe this is all for the better.

My mom says she's really proud of me. she says that Dragonboat was a huge success, and she keeps receiving compliments from people at chinese school telling her how i really know how to organize things and how happy i've made everyone. i've got lots of spirit and i'm really kind, they say. My mom pointed out how if it werent for me bringing together my school friends and chinese friends, these people would have never met, i gave them all something to share, something good. She's proud of all the great things i've accomplished, i am too.

My mom gave me her support no matter what i do. If i really want to be with him, i can pursue that, or i can try to move on and keep my eyes peeled for something better. She reminded me of something that i had totally forgotten. I was never the kind of girl that would chase a guy, i'd always been the kind that was pursued and never in pursuit. I'm not gonna be chasing anybody, if something is meant to be it will come to me, and i'll just be waiting.

i've heard it a million times, there are so many better guys out there, guys better than wes. true, but that seems so far away, there are billions of men, but the only one i can see is him. he loved me deeply for a long time, he's stopped, but it was great, and i miss it.

I want someone to love me all the way. I want someone to stargaze with, someone who would be happy just to hold my hand, someone who kisses me in all the right places, sings me love songs (be it in tune or off), someone who tickles me even when i tell them to stop, someone who takes me to the reservoir, keeping me from the mosquitoes (failing to completely, but its the thought taht counts), someone i can cry with, someone who can make me smile like no one else can, someone who promises me forever. I've already found that person.

But then there's also things that i want that i havent yet had. I deserve someone who misses me as much as i miss them, someone who wants to see me everyday even if its just to see my face, someone who can embrace all our differences, someone who loves me and wont stop, someone who promises me forever and actually means it. i'm still waiting for this someone to show up.

i'll be sitting, waiting, wishing...

2005-08-04T11:20:00.000-07:00

It seems like forever since i last painted. I finished this today.

back there again

2005-08-03T23:58:00.000-07:00

this wont make sense, i'm confused and lost. bear with me. i'm not myself.

it seems like i shouldnt be hurting this bad, that i should be used to all this by now. it's suppose to be over, and i should be elated that my heart wont be taken from me, only to be shoved back again. yet, i'm still hopeful that there' still the chance that we'll find each other again. that he'll come to realize no one will love him like i do. i'm hoping for one more kiss, one more "i love you".

i love him.

i always have, which probably explains why i've taken him back. even after all this, even after all these restless nights of "i miss him"s, i've come to love him more and more with each day. even after all this, i want to be with him again, do everything we had left to do. no one else will love him like i do. why cant he see that?

senior year is approaching, which means the anticipation of so many things, ups, downs, laughs, events like homecoming and prom, and the overall mystery of what will happen next. I want someone to share all of that with. i know not to expect something to last till forever, i'm 17 and young. what i want is a good time, someone special to spend it all with. someone to talk about it with, share it with, see it with. someone who wants to have fun a lot of the time, and be committed for the rest. i want to have a good time. i want him.

life seems like a backstreet boys song right now, and those make me cry a lot. with tears spilling down my face, i think about how beautiful love is, how much sorrow i'm facing, yet i rejoice in how true my love is, how love should be. it's bittersweet. right now, its more bitter than it is sweet, but i have to trust that itll get sweeter. it hurts, unbearably so.

"But don't let them take away your beautiful smile

Take away your beautiful smile

Take away your beautiful smile "

-Weird World, Backstreet Boys

i love Wes.

The Dragon is the greatest in the Chinese zodiac

2005-08-01T10:13:00.000-07:00

we're not racing in rabbit boats now are we?

I am an athlete. I have found my sport and its got to be the most awesome one out there; Dragon Boat Racing. I had myself very worried for years, my phobia of balls flying at me kept me from pursuing most sports. i mean who wants to have hard balls flying ridiculously fast toward their face? I have finally found my place in a long chinese dragon-shaped boat, screaming commands at the top of my lungs and beating a drum. Who would have thought that i'd be so lucky and get to have this much fun? it should be illegal its so great. Yesterday was one of the most awesome days of my life, and i'm on this natural high that i dont think will ever completely leave me, cuz i'm sure that anytime i think back on the past two days, smiles will keep creeping on my face. Everyone was amazing, i never felt so much team spirit, and it was beautiful watching everyone from where i stood. Beating and screaming, i heard everyone shouting in unison, rowing in sync, and the adrenaline and strength was so powerful i could smell it, taste it, hear it, see it, and touch it. All five senses rose to this level of high intensity, it was unbelievable. it was so fun, i could squeal with giddiness.

Paddle high five! that was so cute, you have no idea.

Rabbit on Skis

2005-07-22T18:38:00.000-07:00

Clouds can look like so many things, cant they? I've been on this college road trip and have done quite a lot of staring at the sky. Rabbit on skis has got to be among the most interesting, though i did see a phoenix, it was Fawkes. Dumbledore, may he rest in peace.

So, thus far, i have visited a few schools. Northwestern, Cornell, Harvard, Brown, and Yale. I liked them. But i realize now that i need to work my fanny off to get into one of these (if at all possible). My wardrobe's all gonna be college wear from now on. All of it! No, kidding, that would be really tacky , i like colors too much, but i have bought a few things.

I miss all of you, i'm keeping this short, i hope you're having fun, i am, and i will update you all later.

rachel's got a blog, check it out http://rachelpontious.blogspot.com/

2005-07-12T15:40:00.000-07:00

i like the colors

2005-07-11T11:50:00.000-07:00

More.

gROWING Pains

2005-07-10T17:02:00.000-07:00

lol, i crack myself up

this is gonna be nice and short, actually i cant guarantee nice, but itll be short

Thank you to all of you who showed up to practice yesterday, it was mighty fun. I dont know about you, but i'm in extreme physical pain, my back, arms, shoulders, and abs are ailing me. But i am so excited and this is so gonna be worth it. We will win that Dragonboat Race whether it be in a cow, tiger, or dragon boat, and each and every one of us will make our Chinese ancestors proud.

1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6!....

REACH!!! REACH!!!

Win !!! Win !!! Win!!!!!

We are gonna make Express Yellow look so sexy.

2005-07-07T18:03:00.000-07:00

A painting of a Rwandan child and corpses

"Raw"

2005-07-06T18:58:00.000-07:00

That I think will be the title of this piece, i've painted many things, but i've never actually titled anything. I figured that i would just give them titles right before the IB exhibit. The reason behind this lack of titles lies in my belief that so much can be said about a piece of art, and a piece should be able to speak for itself, so i've never been a fan of the titling process. But here i go, titling this piece anyway.

It's really different from my usual pieces isnt it? I've had sad pieces, sure, but nothing like this. This is more painful and unsettling. I know from a few people's reactions that this piece scared them and made them feel "not right", and that's a good thing, makes you take a step back. The piece is about pain, being lost, desperation, abuse... it could go on. The woman looks hurt, and she could be physically hurt, or just emotionally hurt, or both. I like leaving as much as i can up to the viewer. Art's subjective, whether it be a thumbs up or thumbs down, or half empty or half full.

All i know is that i like this very much. I sat down today with no idea of what to paint, and about an hour and a half later I was left with this. Weird how things work. I like it.

You may, or may not. either way you should tell me.

2005-07-06T18:42:00.000-07:00

Another painting.

2005-07-05T17:55:00.000-07:00

my first completed piece of the summer. I've been in the painting mood.

Piggyback Aftermath

2005-06-26T21:11:00.000-07:00

Adoption = Love

that's what my armband says. I got it at camp.

I dont remember being a crazy little chinese girl, when i was little and chinese. Camp was like the biggest gathering of cuteness I have ever experienced, except for when i'm all alone. lol jk. These girls were adorable and i wanted to know them all, i practically did too, they were incredibly friendly and because of that much too eager to pounce on me, and now i am left with back pain, hip pain, head pain, and arm pain, but i'm also really happy and wouldnt trade it for the world.

Camp started out like this. I was very hopeful for lots of fun and at the same time personal problems kept me wary. I didnt want this experience to be ruined and i didnt want to let this great chance for distraction and fun to pass me by. I, along with 4 other counselors, was assigned to the 2nd grade, my favorite. These were some of the most rowdy, loud, hyper, clingy girls i had ever laid eyes on. My colleagues and I were lost at what to do with these girls, they jumped, they hung on to our legs and wouldnt let go. One girl held on to my feet and looked up my shorts, she saw my underwear, and went on to describe them as if she were a commentator. I was unsettled by the fact that she purposely looked up to see them, but hey, she's a little girl, i'm all for curiosity, and my bloomers were cute, no biggie. The girls proved to be a handful, but over our first snack break, i sat the girls down and taught them that hitting, grabbing and screaming were not ladylike. I was amazed at how these girls were just absorbing everything i told them. I taught them not to hit or grab, but hug, i gave them a review of manners and a short lesson on boys. We walked around the playground with our heads held high, our backs straights, hands delicately placed at our sides, and walked in quick little steps. If this was back in the day, these girls would have been ready for their first dance and first wedding proposal. Whenever another girl wasnt being ladylike, the other girls would point it out to me, and say,

"Yang, isnt it not ladylike to __________"
and i'd tell them,
"Yes, you're right, i'm glad you pointed that out, its true, it isnt lady like at all."

So, our initial fear of being stuck in a horrible situation was but a false alarm. Their behavior was quickly amended and we went on to have much fun. It's not like i completely outruled fun. Fun was in abundance. I've given over hundreds of piggypack rides, held hordes of girls in my arms, played around in the pool, laughed hysterically, and was almost tickled to death. Tickling can be deadly, i would never have thought so, but it is, we need to pass a bill outlawing it, it'll be the first thing i do when i get into office. So, all was well with the Gold Group (the second graders, gold, though it was more of a goldenrod, was the color of their shirts), we had little ladies, and the counselors complimented me on my demeanor, turns out i'm refined, can you believe it? I'm fortunate the girls took me more seriously than the counselors did, cuz anytime i mentioned the word lady, they would grin and laugh and tell me how cute i was. Well duh, but what does that have anything to do with anything? lol I jest.

Our girls were no longer an issue, except i was under constant tickle attacks from the 3rd graders. Their counselors thought it would be nice to rid themselves of their campers and unleash them on me, i'm too nice and easily taken advantage of. There was rarely a moment i didnt have someone on my lap, in my arms, on my back, or slapping my butt. I must say i am very fortunate that the vast majority of the children were female, since it was a camp for adopted chinese children. Cuz see here, here's what happened, Alex, a little chinese boy from the Iris Group (3rd grade) was playing with a counselor, the counselor told him to hug me, and what i thought was just a hug turned out to be more than i bargained for. He reached out his fat little hand and grabbed my right boob, his left. I was violated by a third grader, and he isnt even old enough to understand how lucky he was to grab a breast of this caliber. So that was the only boob grab incident, except there were many more attempts by many others, boy and girl. Person wants to grab my boob, they go for it, it's like the story of my life. lol

I went swimming, in my little in my cute little pink bikini that had to be covered by a not as cute pink tank top for fear that someone would try to untie my top, which they did, luckily nothing was revealed and the top was quickly retied. I dont go swimming enough, its a shame, i ought to show that bathing suit more sun. I had just met this 3rd grader in the pool, we were both playing jokes on another counselor, she was real friendly, jumped into my arms and there we were, two girls who had just meta minute ago, with a decade of difference, laughing our heads off. We were hysterical, and it wasnt even over something that funny, it was one of those fake laughs that turned into a real laugh. It was funny.

Lots more stuff happened that hadnt' happened in a while, i got my butt smacked many times, i was farted on by one girl (that was a complete first, so was the bikini getting untied), I was treated to boba, and i had to make many trips to the bathroom accompanying campers. There was much more but that was that. Camp was great, i'm doing it again next year, and the rest of you ought to do, you dont have to be chinese to be a counselor or be involved, lots werent.

After all that, i still feel the same about you-know-who (if you dont or think that it's Voldermort, dont bother asking). Camp was the greatest distraction anyone with a broken heart could hope to ask for, but i still found myself thinking about him more than i ought to, or little occurrences prompting me to recollect happy memories when the situation wasnt like it is now. There were several, oh wow moments, ones that really hit you deep, those are the worst, yet they're also the best.

Adoption = Love, that i believe, i want to adopt kids of my own. This camp only caused me to aspire to that even more. I saw some of the greatest parents i have ever seen, and it wouldnt even dawn on you that these girls werent their biological children or that they were of a different race. When i was really devastated and sad, seeing all that love made me hopeful for better.

I have so much love to give and i want so badly to show it. If we cant love like we want to, what else is there to live for?

Hope. The first step to happiness and all things is hope. I guess i've just answered my own question.

Hmpf.

2005-06-23T19:17:00.000-07:00

This goes to show that this western astrology horoscope business is trash.

It should have been like this

"Daily Couples:Things will come easy to you today, particularly in the realm of relationships. Why not try directing some of that energy in their direction? Your sweetie's a little stressed and could use your gentle touch."

but that was terminated and now it ought to be like this

"Daily Singles:A coworker's got someone in mind for you, and they may just bring them along for the next happy hour. They're only trying to help you, so take the introduction as the kind gesture it is. "

from http://astrology.yahoo.com/astrology/general/cosmicdaily Yahoo! Astrology

That was certainly not the case. I have a sweetie no more, and i have no coworkers to speak of unless its in this job we call life, but instead of coworkers its more like competitors isnt it? unfortunately. lol happy hour, right, i'll bring this nonexistent person along to happy hour. oh my goodness, this western astrology is suggesting i get drunk and become an alcoholic! that is horrible, it must not be trusted. Hmpf.

though I wish that first horoscope was right, cuz i'd be in a very different mood right now.

But look at my Chinese horoscope from Yahoo! Astrology

"Beware of microbes to which you'll become very vulnerable; eat citrus fruits, drink hot lemon squash sugared with honey. You'll have all the necessary assets in order to achieve many professional projects. However, everything will not be easy in your love life; your romance will be on the decrease and your outbursts will show too much modesty. Don't act without first thinking; it will be essential to show good sense and levelheadedness. "

that knocks it straight on. Sometimes i wish the chinese weren't always right.

so, here's the plan
-eat citus fruits (i hope we've got some at home)
-Drink hot lemon squash sugared with honey (actually scratch that, what in the world is hot lemon squash?)
-but seriously, i will think before i act, and be a beacon of good sense and levelheadedness.

I've got a good pretty head on my shoulders (not to mention smart), just got to keep it level. All there is to it.

You Should Always Trust the Chinese. Always.

2005-06-17T16:26:00.000-07:00

In the past, whenever i got bored, which was often, and that sad cycle still persists, i would read up on my horoscope. It was never anything exciting and never was i told i would find sunken treasure or win the decathlon, but i still thought it was fun to read and think about. You know, what if it did contain some fraction of truth, and what if it was something i could look forward to? what if?

Well, for one it would be totally awesome and then i could go, "Guess what!!!!" and you'd be hangin on to the edge of your seat overcome with suspense and excitement, and you'd go, "What Yang?!?!?! What?!?!?!" And we all know i always have the greatest stories to tell, so i'd tell you some fantastic tale, "Today...yeah you're right it is totally awesome" and to top it all off, with you thinking that what happened to me that day was incredibly close to mindblowingly amazing, i'd add, "and you know what's crazy? It was predicted in my horoscope." Now would that blow your mind? Yes it would.

Ok, so. Today, i went for The Perfect Man with the Ramaswami Sisters, great movie btw, that man sure is romantic and hilary duff sure is cute. Well after that we went to Borders, and in the past I was an advocat behind Borders's cause, selling books, music, coffee (despite the fact that i dont drink coffee and yeah their movies are a bit overpriced). Today's events, however, i have caused me to secondguess my devotion to the Borders corporation. At first, Anandi and i were walking around the store, scanning the bestsellers and new arrivals with no purpose in mind. Then, the idea of knitting sudden popped into our minds and we rushed off to the knitting section, looking through books. We plan on showing up Jessica and Rabah with their scarves, all we have to do now is find a book we like and learn how, and then we're sure to knit the most beautiful scarves ever and begin our own scarf business. Not to think ahead or count my chickens before they hatch or anything, but i think i want to call the company Scarfs, Inc. you know go for that whole cute incorrect angle, i think it would go over well with marketting. Well anyways, after that we dallied on over to the, actually i dont know what that section was called, maybe astrology, makes sense, and we picked up books on zodiacs and horoscopes. Anandi, the ignorant girl that she is, picks up some western book on astrology and begins to read the information listed for our bdays. I, the sensible one, am immediately drawn to a book on love explained through CHINESE Astrology. It's quite obvious which one of us had the more reliable source.

My book said: That i'm a heavy spender and need to watch how often i swipe my credit card, which is entirely true. guilty as charged. It said that i should marry someone 4 or 8 years older, which is entirely true. Chris Pine is 8 years older, and His Royal Highness Prince Harry is 4 years older. And then went on to say more sensible reliable stuff.

Anandi's book said: My favorite foods include: buttermilk, beets (?!?!?! uuuugh), salmon (no not really), and apples. Apples are true, but they're missing the point here. It gets worse. My perfect gift would be meditation tapes. Meditation tapes!!! As if. More like perfect gift to give Yang if you want her to donate it to Goodwill. And then it said that my ideal wedding would be on an Indian Reservation in Arizona!! What is up with that book, and what kind of Native American hallucinogen is this author on? Puhlease.

I dont know if i can trust Borders anymore, it might take me some time to get over this. I was gonna reserve my Harry Potter 6 there, but i dont know if i want to be doing my business there.

Another lesson learned. Trust the Chinese.

Spice up your life!

2005-06-06T15:53:00.000-07:00

The Spice Girls are amazing. I love them, I've missed them, and now we're making up for lost time. If you have a Spice Girls CD from back in the day, pop it in and listen to it, good ol' reminiscing.

School's out for summer! (pretend Alice Cooper's saying this, sounds cooler)
I'm off to bit of a slow start, but there's no rush. I've got quite a lot of hang out time on my hands, so you're in luck. Call me. I like taking walks now, and i'd be up for one whenever, it'll be fun.

Happy Last Day of School!
and Girl Power to one and all!

Wet n Wild

2005-06-04T22:17:00.000-07:00

yesterday was a stressful, depressing, painful, calm, heartwarming, uplifting, soaking, laborious day. It was good.

SAT Subject tests are the bane of my existence. Of Spanish, French, and Math i thought for sure that i'd have the easiest time with French, and the hardest time with Spanish. Instead, it was the other way around, which is totally not cool. Who da thunk it? I had originally not planned on doing anything fun or relaxing, i actually had thought i'd get some last wrapup studying done for physics and get some stuff done for art, but after the SAT mauling i survived, i decided to take it easy.

I went out to lunch with my parents, they wanted to talk to me about college, again, but hey, i had good food, so i wasnt as short tempered as i usually get. I think my dad's figured out how to get through to me, through food, good food. I am a food whore. I believe that the lucky man i will marry will be the one most capable of feeding me to my satisfaction. He could be a chef, or have a chef or cook of his own. I want to live in the White House, i hear the kitchen is awesome there, and they can make you anything you want. I want a lot. I need that.

Once i got home, i went up to my room, slipped under the covers fully dressed, and took a short yet wonderful nap. Rohini called and we went for Cinderella Man. People, this is a beautiful, sad, happy, uplifting, miracle of a movie. I have fallen in love with Russell Crowe. With missing teeth and his face bruised up, the character he played was so kind, loving and dignified, that he looked even more attractive than he did in Gladiator. It is most definitely one of my most favorite movies of all time. It's beautiful, see it, please.

Afterwards we went to Coldstone, again. I've been consuming very much sweet cream with sprinkles ice cream lately. Rohini and I have added opening up our own ice cream store and then turning it into a chain on our list of things to do. We need a good name for it. So far, all we've got is sCream, where we would do a lot of screaming, but that's lame. The ice cream we were served yesterday was in the most horrible of mixing states. The guy pretty much just loaded on the sprinkles and covered em up so they were in the middle, it wasnt mixed. He got no tip. This dissatisfaction with the Cold Stone establishment is what has propelled us to start an ice cream chain of our own.

Two more good things happened. I bought The Chorus soundtrack and i found my Spice Girls Spice World CD, i thought i had lost it, you can just imagine how elated i was to find it. Both CDs are great.

The best part of the day came at 9 o'clock. Rohini and i decided to go out for a walk, the sky was a mix of many blues, as if God couldnt decide what color to make the sky. I was surprised to see that clouds were still out, you wouldnt expect it with the sky as dark as it was, but we welcomed them. On our journey we had not expected to encounter the working, jetting sprinklers that were on full blast. It was cold, and it had stormed the day before, who's idea it was to keep the sprinklers going, i do not know. So you can imagine what rohini and did. We turned back...

...to run through the sprinklers over and over again, we strayed from the path to the motherload of sprinklers, four fantastically fast, fun sprinklers that soaked us through and through. We laughed, i giggled, Rohini screamed her deep scream, i screamed my loud and high-pitched one. We were wet, and though cold, I felt warm inside. After seeing little kids run through sprinklers, shrieking and laughing, I've secretly had the urge to do it too, but havent because it just isnt proper for someone my age. Well, getting soaked from head to underwear is a great liberating feeling, and i'm gonna keep doing it. And then topping it all off by watching Rebel Without a Cause with James Dean, changing into warmer pants, and a Tootsie Roll pop, made the day beautiful.

Despite the SATs, oh, and this huge fall i forgot to mention, which occured as i got out of the car and walked through the garage, i slipped and knocked myself in 5 places, it hurts just thinking about it, yesterday was a good day. I have high hopes for today and many tomorrows.

Hail to the Chief

2005-06-03T19:42:00.000-07:00

pretty crazy storm, huh? It started out as quiet thunder, then escalated to loud claps, and wooosh...it was raining, like mad. Raining horses and donkeys. The sky looked so dark and grey, it was colorless, and since I've been looking at the sky very much lately and we've been graced with such nice weather and beautiful shades of blue, it seemed something completely foreign. Despite the colorlessness, there was something entirely mystical and special about the site i saw, as if through all the clouds and the color-draining hail and rain, you couldn't help but notice the rays of the sun trying to reach through.

I just looked out my window, and the sky looks a shade of dark grey as the thunder rumbles for added effect. I see less of the sun now, but i'm assured knowing that it's still there behind the thick layers of dark cloud. The sky is a battleground, and i say this now without ever having given it a thought before, but really it is now that i think about it. The sky is this vast field where the sun, clouds, rain, and lightning battle for control over the space above us. The light blues given off by the glow of the sun are challenged by the darkness of the fast-moving clouds. The weather can have huge affects on our feelings and moods, and its for our feelings that they battle. The sky still looks dark and right now it looks like darkness is in the lead, but the sun is seldom overshadowed for long.

The best part about rainstorms are the feelings you get afterwards; walking outside and being able to feel the moisture in the air, leaving a cool sensation as that moisture touches the skin, the look and smell of damp grass, the smell of fresh squeaky clean air, and seeing the sun shine again, as if brighter than ever before.

I'm hoping for a rainbow.

2005-06-03T19:18:00.000-07:00

A watercolor painting i've been working on, not totally done yet.

2005-06-03T19:08:00.000-07:00

Rohini, pretty, isnt she?