Ok, so...

Things happen for a reason

That, is something i've heard many a times, and i'm beginning to agree with it now. With everyone i've talked to i've pretty much been hearing that same phrase. Things happen for a reason and i've gotta learn to deal with that.

it's hard. i dont like being or feeling this way. I'm usually the one making things happen, i usually take charge and get things my way, but now, its as if i've been given this huge letdown, and there is nothing in my power to change it. i feel helpless, which stinks. my feelings grow stronger and stronger, making the pain greater and greater. I absolutely despise mornings now. nights arent too bad, usually my brain and body are so exhausted that i just fall asleep right away. but in the mornings, i wake up early, not wanting to or meaning to, and its then that i feel alone and pathetic. everyone is sleeping and i'm my gross morning unshowered self being sad, with surprise weeping attacks that come uninvited. it's not getting any easier, everyone promised it would. i feel exactly as i did before, i miss him. and here i am being all stupid again, i hate feeling sorry for myself, this isnt me speaking. Why do i go on like this?

I've got to think that all things happen for a reason. this happened because we just werent meant for each other, or time apart will do us good with the possibility of reconciliation. either way, its a win-win, i guess... the former is much harder to deal with, and i'm really hoping for the latter.

A friend of mine at camp wrote me a note telling me this, "..Sometimes, in order to give us "better", He must take the "good". In order to give us the "best", we must surrender "better". Have faith and take hope to new heights..." and another wise soul told me this, "...always remember that circumstances happen for a reason, but be comforted + joyful in the fact that God always wants to give you the BEST in His timing... so don't despair because it'll be worth the wait." They've got a point.

Rachel, Yuriy, and Joe have the great power of making me feel better everytime i talk to them or see them. Not that i dont get comfort from other friends, but i think that with these 3, i feel like they have a better understanding of where it is that i'm coming from. so, for that, i am extremely grateful. Joe made a good point yesterday, my personality has definitely had better days. I am that girl that chats away and speaks to strangers, argues for the fun of arguing, paints to her heart's content, spontaneously sings to whatever tune is playing in her head, grins from being mischievious, laughs at the slightest of things, tells tall tales seeing how far she can take them, dances horribly but loves it nonetheless, walks briskly wherever she goes, snorts and breaks out giggling when others dont dare to (katelin in tok, and at camp too, i'll tell you the story sometime), shrieks from any bit of excitement, blushes from little embarassements, and smiles that big bold smile.

Man, do i miss the good ol' me, but i think that she's coming back with a one way ticket, cuz she's staying for good.

posted by yang @ 7:09 AM