Ok, so...

back there again

this wont make sense, i'm confused and lost. bear with me. i'm not myself.

it seems like i shouldnt be hurting this bad, that i should be used to all this by now. it's suppose to be over, and i should be elated that my heart wont be taken from me, only to be shoved back again. yet, i'm still hopeful that there' still the chance that we'll find each other again. that he'll come to realize no one will love him like i do. i'm hoping for one more kiss, one more "i love you".

i love him.

i always have, which probably explains why i've taken him back. even after all this, even after all these restless nights of "i miss him"s, i've come to love him more and more with each day. even after all this, i want to be with him again, do everything we had left to do. no one else will love him like i do. why cant he see that?

senior year is approaching, which means the anticipation of so many things, ups, downs, laughs, events like homecoming and prom, and the overall mystery of what will happen next. I want someone to share all of that with. i know not to expect something to last till forever, i'm 17 and young. what i want is a good time, someone special to spend it all with. someone to talk about it with, share it with, see it with. someone who wants to have fun a lot of the time, and be committed for the rest. i want to have a good time. i want him.

life seems like a backstreet boys song right now, and those make me cry a lot. with tears spilling down my face, i think about how beautiful love is, how much sorrow i'm facing, yet i rejoice in how true my love is, how love should be. it's bittersweet. right now, its more bitter than it is sweet, but i have to trust that itll get sweeter. it hurts, unbearably so.

posted by yang @ 11:58 PM