Ok, so...

Alfred, Zorgon & Splinter

I am going to join their ranks.

I am so totally ready for this Mentor business. The "retreat" we had today had some really great impacts on me, i'm glad.

I'll admit that at first i was skeptical about the Healing Circle, i was trying really hard not to laugh, and there were times where i was definitely picking up certain people's b.o., but then, there were times when i just felt like breaking out into tears.

Let me try to explain what the Healing Circle is. So, you have a group of people and they're split evenly. Half the group sits down (in chairs) in a small circle, holding hands, eyes closed, the other half stands around the sitters, and all at once the people on the outside bend down to whisper in the other person's ear. What they whisper is totally up to them, its supposed to be something that they personally wish they could hear, those in the middle dont respond and just listen as everyone takes their turn. and once the rotation was completed, roles were switched.

As i sat there with my eyes closed, i could make out the whispers of some of my closest friends, and there were others that kept me guessing. Sitting in silence was hard, i felt like crying and reaching out to the person in my ear, telling them what they had just passed on to me, and giving them a big hug. It really hit home and it amazed me how so many of us wish to hear the same words of encouragement and love. When it came time for those on the inside to move outside, i was got really frightened. I didnt want to let myself get vulnerable all over again. I've been really good these past few days, and i was proud of myself, but i knew that the Healing Circle wouldnt do its magic if i wasnt honest about what i really wanted to hear. So i mustered up the courage, and everytime i got to someone new, i would bend down really close to their ear and let it out. For some people, i said, "dont worry, it'll stop hurting soon," with alicia i said, "i missed you and i'm sorry" knowing that it was something i needed to hear, something i needed to tell alicia, and something i knew she wanted to hear.

"I love you." I said that many times, and as i whispered that to rabah, triveni, and jessica, i knew that they knew it was me. my whisper, how close i got to them, and what i had to say to them, and what i wished i could still hear, gave me away. dood, the Healing Circle rocks. It was the most real moment of the entire 5 hours, and the whole thing only lasted about 7 minutes.

Afterwards, when those on the inside opened their eyes and the rotation was over, with one glance at them, i knew that rabah and triveni knew exactly what i meant. Triveni hugged me and told me she loved me, "i know i'm not the one you want to hear it from," she said. that's not entirely true, it meant a lot to me, and i came very close to crying. Then, Jessica, who i missed much more than i believed, hugged me, told me how much she missed me, told me it was all gonna be alright, said she was sorry and said, "i love you." She said everything that i wanted to hear, everything that i whispered to other people, and everything i'm still hoping to hear. I cried like a baby, yes. But i felt better nonetheless.

Jessica, i love you. I'm glad you're back.

posted by yang @ 3:00 PM